What to drink?

I haven’t updated in a good while, so I decided to do a little expos on the various things I like to drink.  Some of these things might be a bit sophisticated for your tastes, so I recommend saving them for special occasions.  You won’t regret drinking anything in this list, unless you’re a n00b.

What can I say about beer?  It’s liquid bread.  It lets everyone around know that you’ve been to at least one party and survived to tell the tale.  Everyone’s impressed when you can drink lots of beer.  There’s a social aspect to beer drinking that no other beverage can really compare to.  A camaraderie, if you will.  But what beer should you choose?

  1. Killian’s Irish Red
    This should be your first choice whenever you’re out on the town drinking.  The deep red color lets all the men around know you’re a ticking time bomb of hate, just waiting to explode…  The full flavor and smooth taste let all the ladies know you’re a ticking time bomb of love, just waiting to show them how the world is from your side of the lust-fence.
  2. Guinness
    If ever there was a beer worth drinking, this is it.  This beer will grow hair on your tongue, turn you into a werewolf, and make every woman in a thirty foot radius die of sexual exhaustion.  The ONLY problem with this beer, is that sometimes you just don’t want to look that bad ass in public.  Hence the number two slot.
  3. Samuel Adams
    This beer is just all around good.  Worth drinking.
  4. Yuengling
    Yuengling isn’t a bad beer.  It can often turn a shitty night of light hell into a nominally good night of yum.  Great fall-back beer.
  5. **** Light
    I don’t know why, but some places don’t carry beer that’s worth drinking.  In that case, drink as the romans drink…  Domestic.
  6. Natty/Beast
    Every once in a while, there’s a kegger and someone has this for free.  Do not pay for this beer.

Wow, what a roundup…  But what about when you want a more romantic evening?

Wine is delicious.  It will get you fucked up with relatively little effort, and you don’t have to convince people to try it.  This is the ultimate get someone drunk drink.

  1. Sake!
    Sake is an invention of the Japanese.  Those bastards sure know how to make an alcoholic beverage.  This is the only alcoholic beverage that’s actually better served warm.  No shit.  Go to a sushi bar and see for yourself.  Make it a high class one.
  2. Sangria
    While not actually a wine per-se, Sangria is my favorite wine-based beverage.  It’s easy to drink and can be made stronger with little noticeable flavor impairment through liberal application of booze.
  3. Merlot
    When you need class and sophistication in your booze, this is it.
  4. ???
    To be perfectly honest, I don’t drink much wine.  Let me know what you like in a fine wine and I’ll annotate.

What can you say about whiskey that years and years of evolution hasn’t already told you?  When you absolutely, positively, have to get drunk off your ass, accept no substitute.

  1. Black Bush
    Black Bush is Bushmill’s top of the line Irish whiskey.  Irish whiskey is not Kentucky Bourbon.  Think of Irish whiskey as Kentucky’s best’s favorite Uncle.  More fun than any adult rightfully should be.  Irish whiskey is classic beyond compare and this is the best of the best.
  2. Gentleman Jack
    This is the best Kentucky Bourbon you will ever put in your mouth, bar maybe the hundred year old bottle you get on your wedding day.  A single sip is bliss.  A gulp is pure ecstasy.  Accept no whiskey related substitute.
  3. Jack Daniel’s No. 7
    Jack is classic.  You want whiskey, this is the name you think of.  This guy and maybe his old pal…
  4. Jim Beam
    Another classic way to erase your sorrows and blissfully enjoy the night.  Don’t accept anything less.
  5. Calvert Extra
    This is so generic I can’t even find a website for it.  Drink at your own risk.

Mmm…  Whiskey.  Whiskey is by far my favorite drink.

Gin is a great drink, almost completely imperceptible in juice.  Try it!

  1. Bombay Sapphire
    This is the best gin on the market.  Give it a shot if you don’t believe me.  It’s damned good.
  2. Tanqueray
    A close second.  Tanqueray, despite Tony Sinclair, is actually very good.  Drink heavily, avoid moderation.
  3. Seagram’s Lime Twisted Gin
    Gin with a lime twist.  Easy to drink, on the cheap!

The Gin family, while not my favorite, is timeless.

I wanted to cover the other major drinking groups (vodka, rum, cordials, etc.) but I really don’t care that much.  Most of them suck, and the ones that don’t have proponents elsewhere.  Anyway, enough of my tirade…  Go forth, and get drunk my dear readers…  With my advice in mind, you shall not regret it.

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